Book of Secrets
by Mar Komi
Summary: Seven months after Miranda, the crew learns that Shepherd Book left them a puzzle. To solve it each of them must revisit their darkest memories. Sixth story in the Eagle series.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: **Sixth in my series, this story begins about seven months after the incidents in the movie "Serenity", and about ten months after my last installment, "Family".

* * *

BOOK OF SECRETS

**_PROLOGUE_**

What they needed was a purpose.

Their problem was as easy to identify as it was difficult to actually solve. Malcolm Reynolds had had many hours alone at the helm to think about it these past months, and he could for the life of him not remember that they'd needed one before. Once upon a time 'find a crew, find a job, keep flying' had been sufficient enough.

Not anymore apparently.

He wondered why, seeing as the 'verse was pretty much the same as before. The Miranda broadcast hadn't brought on the changes he guessed he on some level had hoped or even expected it to. If there was one thing the gorram leaders of the Alliance were good at, it was cover-ups, and Mal guessed the people in the Core preferred to live their lives in blissful ignorance and therefore did not press the issue. The whole thing remained a series of unconfirmed rumors and a much-viewed vid of unknown origin on the Cortex.

Sometimes it seemed to Mal that the only people affected by this, was himself and his crew, though apart from the obvious – the devastating loss of Wash and Book – it was difficult to pinpoint exactly what the change was. In the seven months that had passed since then, they'd been laying low, shunning civilization. At first it was because they hadn't known how the rest of the 'verse would react to the news about the Reavers, and when that reaction never really came, they had just continued to lay low, because, come to think of it, had they ever done anything else?

The change was something else –

And why was he even pondering this question? He knew the answer.

It was the thrill. Or the lack of it.

The Miranda mission had been horrible, absolutely. But in the thick of it all, he'd felt it: The battle rush. That moment of total clarity, of calmness, of invincibility… of feeling important. That old familiar rush that had carried him through the war. It felt so good –

And so horrible afterwards when you came crashing back to reality.

Yup, he knew this feeling. He'd been to war again.

And lost.

Again.

Shifting a little in the pilot's chair, he heard someone approach him from behind and he glanced over his shoulder to see Zoë enter the bridge, already knowing it would be her. At almost eight months pregnant one could easily recognize her by the small yet heavy footsteps. They nodded to each other, but spoke no words as they never had to. She took the co-pilot's seat, rubbing her stomach as she tried to get comfortable, while her eyes quietly drifted to the view port and the stars outside.

Mal gazed at the instruments in front of him and tweaked a few buttons just to look busy. He was no pilot, nor had he ever pretended to be one. He could fly _Serenity_, of course, because he loved her, but not with the grace and elegance Wash had exhibited. But he still hadn't managed to bring himself to hire someone new to fly the ship yet. He'd told himself it was because of Zoë, because he was worried about how it would affect her, but if he was to be completely honest, he knew he was just as much protecting himself. Hiring a new pilot would make the full force of reality come crashing down on them, as if it hadn't already.

His eyes grazed the dinosaurs still displayed at the helm. Judging by the thin layer of dust that now covered them, Zoë hadn't picked them up in a while.

Well, at one point they would _have _to move on. And right now he was pretty sure that Zoë would do a lot better than _he_ would.

He glanced over at her and finally spoke, "Can't sleep?"

"I slept earlier," she replied, not looking at him.

"You could use the rest."

She sighed, just as a thin smile caressed her lips. "For the last time, sir, I'm pregnant, not sick or wounded." She finally tore her eyes away from the stars to look at him. "I came to check on _you_."

He mimicked her tiny smile. "Still lookin' out for me?"

"I'm still the first mate. It's my job."

"Well." He glanced back outside. "It won't be for long. We'll be on Beaumonde in 'bout ten hours time to pick up your… _replacement_, and then you can get started on your… er… maternity leave."

_Maternity leave…_

God, it felt strange to use that word! He was happy for Zoë, by all means. Wash's unexpected parting gift had pulled her through her grieving and helped her keep her focus during these difficult times. But the thought of a tiny, helpless person living onboard his ship… Sometimes it downright scared the hell out of him.

Not that he'd ever let her know.

"You don't seem too happy," she pointed out.

"I'm good," he assured her.

"You're wrinkling your nose, sir."

_He was?_

"I am?"

"Yessir."

He sighed. "It's just… A new crewmember? Taking on new people don't usually bode well for us."

She smiled. "It's a good choice."

"Yeah, it better be, seeing as it was _your_ recommendation."

"It'll be fine, sir."

"Well," he repeated. "It's only temporarily anyways."

She tensed. Not much, this being Zoë and all, but he still caught it. "What?" he said, frowning. Then the frown grew deeper. "It's not?"

"I wanted to tell you," she began, looking down at her hands resting on her swollen stomach. "I know I said I wanted to have the baby onboard and stay here afterwards. But I been thinkin'… that maybe… I won't."

Zoë usually had no problem telling him things to his face, and to hear her hesitate and stutter like this… He didn't like it.

When he didn't right away offer her any reply, she turned to meet his gaze. Her eyes were filled with emotion, something else that was quite unusual. "I used to think I could handle it," she explained. "But back when I dreamed of havin' a baby, this is _not _how I pictured it. Perhaps Wash…" She drew a sharp breath. "Perhaps Wash was right. Maybe this ain't the best place to raise a child? I…" She sighed again. "I just don't know."

"It's okay." He finally managed to find the words, and he tried with all his might to keep his voice neutral. Whether he succeeded or not, was a whole other question. "Take your time. I'll support you nonetheless. Jus' don't ever think you and your child don't belong here."

"I know," she nodded. "And I haven't decided yet. I just thought it fair you knew what I was thinkin' of."

She rose and carefully stretched her back. "I think I'll try and catch some shuteye anyhow." Frowning, she added, "If I can manage the ladder. Seriously, if you ever wanna experience what it's like not knowing your body at all, get pregnant."

He chuckled, but as she left the room the smile fell off his face, and all the gloomy thoughts that came with late night vigils returned.

Zoë had her purpose. All he needed was his.

* * *

_**A/N: **And we're off, people! Finally! _

_For the last months I've been struggling with the writer's block that seems persistent to take hold of me from time to time. I'm not completely over it yet, but I know by experience that the start is always the hardest part, and so I'm posting the prologue now and hopefully it'll cure me :) But if the updates aren't as regular as usual, you know why._

_- MK._


	2. Chapter 2

_Decent kinda planet._

That's how Mal used to describe Beaumonde. As the capital of the Kalidasa system it was far enough away from the Core for him not to feel too trapped there, but modern enough to fit other people's definitions of 'decent' as well. Like on most border worlds the landmass consisted mostly of farmland and smaller industrial towns, but the big cities were populous and well developed, and even though the Alliance presence was heavy, it was easy enough to avoid if you stuck to the right places. The docks were always swarming with people looking for a boat to hire or for a boat to hire _them_, and like Persephone and Boros it was a great place to stock up on fuel and supplies and look for work and manpower.

The crew had already assembled in the cargo bay when Mal arrived from the bridge, looking alarmingly eager to get off the ship. Jayne was pacing the floor like a caged animal, but paused long enough to throw a look at his captain as he came down the stairs.

"Nice landin'," he declared. "You gettin' better. Hardly felt it this time."

"Yeah," Mal muttered. "It wasn't me."

He sidestepped and allowed River, who'd followed him from the bridge, to pass him. Jayne's face darkened as the realization hit him. "I can't believe you're lettin' her fly the boat," he snarled.

"You just said it was a nice landin'!" Kaylee protested, earning herself a glare from the mercenary.

"It's not unsupervised," Simon added and then threw a worried look in Mal's direction. "It's not, is it?"

"It's not," Mal assured him.

It wasn't that River wasn't able to pilot the ship. On the contrary, she was probably a better pilot than he was. But there were still times when he questioned her sanity. Miranda had changed her somewhat, made her psychotic moments less frequent and violent, but her puzzling comments and irrational behavior was still very much part of their daily life, and he wasn't even going to _think_ about what would happen should she fall into one of her fits of crazy behind the stick. But often when she joined him on the bridge – uninvited and mostly without even talking – and slipped into the co-pilot's seat to use the instruments to override him and then fly the ship for him across particularly tricky parts of space, he let her. It didn't harm anyone, and he guessed it made her feel part of the crew. Gave her purpose, so to speak.

There it was again, that word.

Purpose.

Maybe he was the only one lacking it?

But now Zoë opened the cargo bay door and the sounds and scents of the busy street outside came swirling in and awoke him from that particular trail of thoughts.

"Alright, people," he addressed the others. "Don't stray too far, we ain't stayin' long. We just gonna pick up Zoë's equipment and our new crewmember."

"We ain't lookin' for work?" Jayne asked.

"Nope, this is Fanty and Mingo's territory," Mal replied. "And I'm afraid our reputation precedes us. We are, quote, 'dangerous people to know', unquote. Ain't nobody in these parts willing to trade with us these days."

Jayne raised his eyebrows, but didn't ask any further questions. He just huffed and strapped on the last of his guns.

Mal's eyes strayed to River who was staring at the outside world through the now open door with great fascination. She had that far-off look on her face, as if the machineries of her brain were churning out crazy ideas even faster than usual. "What about you, lil' albatross?" he asked her mildly. "You goin' with your brother?"

Kaylee's reaction to this didn't go unnoticed. Sweet as always she didn't voice any complaints, but it was easy to see she hadn't planned on River coming along today. She and Simon had spent the last months caught in that weird state between the agonizing grief of losing dear friends and the mind-blowing euphoria of being in love. Afraid to cause Zoë further pain they'd gone to great lengths to hide their flirting from the others. That and the strange habit of River's to walk in on them while they were having sex, had somewhat prevented them from spending much quality time together, and the mechanic had undoubtedly looked forward to having her boyfriend to herself for a few hours. Mal's heart went out to her and he opened his mouth to tell River to come with him instead, when Inara luckily beat him to it.

"River can come with me," she said and smilingly draped an arm across the girl's slender shoulders. "I have a special mission she can help me with."

_Special mission… Huh?_

No, Inara wouldn't bring River to one of her appointments! Mal knew that. And he hated himself for even thinking along those lines. Inara had stayed with him, and she'd made it pretty clear that this was where she wanted to be. As far as he knew she hadn't served a single client since her return_. _

So why on Earth-that-was was he still thinking this?

She walked by down the ramp, steering River along, and threw him a smile as she passed him. "Stay out of trouble," she teasingly admonished, while a relieved Kaylee happily pulled Simon with her in the opposite direction.

"Three hours!" Mal called after them as they disappeared in the crowd, then turned towards the last two members of his crew. "Okay, let's go pick up our girl."

* * *

Zoë moved slower than before. And despite the fact that Mal had always preferred to move _fast_ (land, find a job, move on, get it over with), he found himself being absolutely fine with that. Moving slowly had its benefits. You noticed the details, had time to read the faces, the body language of the people passing you in the street. Time to separate foes from friends… or rather people looking to hurt you from people not giving a damn.

Most fell into the latter category. A perfect example of the kind of things you noticed when you moved this way.

Jayne walked on ahead, but paused at every street corner to allow the other two to catch up with him. Mal saw how his eyes constantly scanned the crowd, always on the lookout, ever alert, and how easily his big body zigzagged its way between the people in the buzzing street, like a predator on the hunt. It was a fascinating sight. He'd always known Jayne to be tactile – gorramit, the man could smell danger in the air like a hound! – but he'd never really seen it displayed like this before.

He frowned. What the hell was this now? Was he _admiring _his crude, rude, monkey-brained mercenary?

He felt the scrutinizing look Zoë sent him and turned to smile reassuringly at her as they rounded the last corner and approached their destination, a small Asian bar located in a dark and narrow backstreet. The unmistakable sounds emitting from within the building immediately killed any further conversation, though.

Yelling and shouting and breaking of glass…

"A tussle!" Jayne needlessly declared, sounding just a little too happy.

Mal glanced over his shoulder at his first mate. "Don't tell me she's causin' trouble_ already_?"

Jayne threw open the door just as a man came stumbling out through it and collapsed unto the street. Mal had to sidestep and pull Zoë along for them not to get hit, and he more or less unconsciously pushed her in behind him to protect her.

They entered the room and instantly spotted the dark-haired woman in the midst of the fight. She was taller than most people there, the men included, and her long thick braid whipped through the air whenever she spun around to land another blow at some unlucky fellow. Several others had already received their share of beating and lay strewn across the room, whimpering and cussing.

Jayne grinned broadly and started pushing his way through the cheering crowd. Mal decided it was best to stay back. Not that he couldn't do some damage, and not that he didn't _want _to, but leaving Zoë unsheltered in all this was just out of the question.

He watched as Jayne grabbed a couple of men and quite easily tossed them across the bar, forcing the bartender to scurry out the way. Very soon he'd cleared a path and stepped up to the woman just as she spun around to face him with a shrieking shout.

"Hey, _friend_!" he yelled and managed to grab hold of the chair she'd picked up and was about to hit him with.

For a few moments she just glared at him. Then her face broke into a big smile. "Jayne!"

Together they dropped the chair at a man approaching them from the side, and then Jayne spread out his arms and scooped her up in a firm, probably painful and yet somewhat tender embrace. He put her down, then kissed her cheek and pulled her braid at the same time. "Good to see ya, sis."

Another patron of the bar tried to have a go at them, but Jayne just knocked him to the ground without even looking at him. "Gettin' to know the locals, I see," he told his sister.

"They gettin' to know _me,_" she replied.

Around them the fighting seemed to be dying away, and Mal decided it was safe for him to step forward and make his presence known. "Miss Jo Cobb," he dryly saluted his new crewmember.

"Captain Reynolds," she straightened and greeted him back.

He glanced around. "You already in the habit of startin' bar fights?"

"Oh, I didn't start it, sir," she said, glaring at a man tending to his bleeding nose in a corner. "_He _did."

The man scowled back at her. "_Ni you bing_. _Feng-nü._"

"Yeah?" Jo raised her fist against him in a threatening move. "You ain't had enough? You want more o' this?"

"Okay!" Mal broke in, grabbing the woman by her arms. "Let's just get outta here before the Feds show up."

She allowed herself to be lead away and picked up her gear by the door; a couple of rifles, a carpet bag and a banjo case. As soon as they were outside and in safe distance from the bar, though, she dropped the bag to pull Zoë into a hug. "Zo'," she whispered, her voice laden with love and empathy. "I'm so sorry. And so happy for you."

A small smile caressed Zoë's lips as she returned the hug. "It's great to see you again, Jo."

Jo returned the smile, stroked her cheek and then went after Jayne. Mal and Zoë stayed behind for a moment to observe them as they made their way down the street. "Really?" Mal said, throwing a questioning look in Zoë's direction. "This is what we want? Another Cobb?"

"Well, I figured since we already had a pair of Tams…" Zoë joked, but then her face turned all serious again. "No, seriously, sir, be fair. Jo ain't Jayne." She watched as the siblings disappeared in the crowd and then added, "Hell, even Jayne ain't Jayne anymore. He's come a long way. Still got a lotta learn when it comes to manners, for sure…" She turned to look him in the eye. "But I trust him. And I trust _her_."

"And _I _trust _you,_" Mal said."Come on, let's go get your stuff."

They caught up with the Cobbs at the post office down by the docking area, and as Zoë went up to the front desk to collect her crates, and Jayne came with her to help her carry them, Mal used the opportunity to pull Jo aside.

"Just to make sure we're clear," he said, "you know why you're here and what your job entails?"

"Sure. Zoë'll be off duty for the next six months or so, and I'm fillin' in."

"Hrm, yeah, that's pretty much it." He looked her up and down for a moment. She was wearing combat boots and a grey jacket that had probably once belonged to a man. "You ain't a mercenary in the strictest sense," he told her, "but you know your way with guns and, as you've just demonstrated, how to hold your own in a fight. You haven't seen much of the 'verse and the nasty things it can throw at you yet, but you hunt wild dogs, so I know you don't flinch easily – _and _you're a familiar face to the crew. The main reason I picked you, though, is because Zoë recommended it. Just wanted you to know that."

"Yes, sir."

"Alrighty then, here's a few ground rules: _I'm _the captain, _Serenity'_s _my _ship. You work for _me, _not Jayne."

She snorted. "You really think I'd be here it was the other way 'round? No boat would run with him in charge. That much I know."

He smiled a little. "I suppose. Just… stay back and watch and learn for a while."

"Yes, sir."

"And don't start any more fights."

"Yeah, he likes to do that himself," Jayne, who just then walked by with one of the crates, teasingly chipped in.

Mal threw him a warning look and then looked back at Jo, extending his hand. "Welcome aboard." She smiled and took it; her handshake was just as agonizingly strong as the first time they'd met.

"How's your Ma?" Mal asked after a moment's consideration.

"Good," she replied, and her face turned grave. "All things considered. Mattie's death hit her pretty hard, even if it was expected."

"I'm sorry."

"Thank you. She sends her regards."

He showed his appreciation by nodding. "She okay with you leavin'?"

"She wasn't thrilled. But she's got Jude and Fergus there to help her out, and other neighbors as well." Jo smiled mischievously. "Town's improved a lot since your visit. The time was right. And I kinda got the feelin' she felt like she owed ya."

With a wink she moved in to help with the packages, and Mal shook the memories of Paquin and Radiant Cobb off his mind and stepped up to Zoë, who was crosschecking the labels on the crates and the stack of receipts in her hand. "You get everythin'?"

She nodded. "It's all here." She stepped back to calmly study the pile of boxes for a moment. "I _tried _to stick to the bare essentials."

"Yeah, who's payin' for all this?" Jayne grunted.

"Not _you,_" Zoë snapped at him. "So don't you worry."

Jayne chose to ignore the remark. He picked up another box. "Hey, this ain't heavy," he declared. "What is it?"

Zoë threw a quick glance at it. "Diapers," she replied, causing Jayne to look at the box as if it was already filled with poop. "Reusables, which comes in handy when…" She abruptly stopped midsentence and paled. "Oh God…"

Mal frowned with worry. "What is it?"

"I'm buying diapers, Mal!" she exclaimed. "I'm gonna be a mom!"

Zoë losing her cool? This _was _new!

"Hey, now." He stepped forward to grab her shoulder and look her directly in the eye. "You'll do just fine. I know it."

"What's up with _her_?" Jayne asked, sounding both bewildered and annoyed. Jo flicked his forehead with her fingers. "Ouch! Hey!"

"Just get the crates," she said, rolling her eyes.

"Don't forget the last one," the postal worker called out to them, gesturing to a package about the size of a shoebox still left on his cart.

Zoë glanced over her shoulder at it and frowned. "I didn't order that."

Mal mimicked her grimace. "Jayne?"

"Me neither," he said.

For a moment they all just stood there just looking at it, a little wary. "Well," Mal eventually said, "at least this one ain't big enough for a body."

Jo's confused "What?" was immediately answered by Jayne's "Tell you later."

"It's been here a while," the postal worker said, and then assured them, "It's addressed to you. To the crew of _Serenity._" He frowned. "That _is _you, right?"

"Is there a return?" Mal asked while Zoë stepped up to the package to investigate it more closely.

The man flipped through the sheets on his notepad. "Yeah, … Southdown Abbey, Persephone."

"It's for _Book_?" Jayne mused. "I'd say that's a little late."

"No," Zoë said. She'd picked up the package and read the sticker attached to it. "It's _from _Book."

They all exchanged puzzled looks, and as always it was Jayne who eventually said out loud what everyone was thinking.

"How come we gettin' mail from a dead guy?"

* * *

**A/N:**

_ni you bing_ – you're sick

_feng-nü – _crazy woman

_Thanks to Alex for the translations :)_


	3. Chapter 3

_**Five and a half months earlier**_

_It was slow work._

_The heat was close to unbearable, and the dry and arid desert sand not the easiest to work with. Sometimes it seemed to Jayne like the more he dug, the more dirt rushed back into the hole again. He could spend the whole morning digging and produce no more than a single, shallow grave._

_At times the whole endeavor seemed pointless. What good would it do these people now, anyhow? And yet he knew it had to be done. Book would have wanted it. Book would have expected it._

_But the job was tough, it was horrible, gruesome – and he was more or less left alone with the task of getting it done. The captain and the doc were still recovering from their near fatal injuries, Zoë was caught up in her own grief, and he couldn't exactly ask the girls to help him out. They'd seen and done enough already._

_Hell, it should've have fallen to the gorram purplebellies! They should be here, cleaning up their own mess. But those ruttin' cowards, those __babykillers__, were long gone._

_Then again, maybe it __should__ be him? Perhaps it was best this way? Doing something was better than doing nothing, anyways. And as long as his hands were busy, his mind didn't have to be._

_Only it was._

_He stood up, dropped the shovel and pulled off his hat to wipe the sweat off his brow. Then he looked at the hole at his feet. It wasn't big. But big enough for one of the little ones._

_He bit his lip._

_Those were the hardest._

_He glanced back at _Serenity. _She was parked a good distance from the settlement. From where he stood she almost looked like a derelict. Lifeless, soulless… like the rest of this gorram place. He saw none of the others. They didn't venture outside the ship much. Just Zoë, and where she went he had no idea._

_He walked over to the long line of bodies that took up most of the main market square, each carefully wrapped up in cloth or tarp. They didn't smell too bad. Inara had done something to them._

_He found a small one. A little bundle with a piece of paper attached to it. Kaylee's handwriting. Easy to read._

Katie.

_Gorramit, he remembered this one. Light brown hair, freckles… She'd reminded him of his sister Jude when she was a kid._

_His hands were shaking, he noticed._

_Hatred._

_He drew a deep breath and then, tenderly, as if the child was still alive, he scooped the bundle up in his arms. She wasn't heavy at all. How old had she been? Four? Five?_

_Hatred._

_He was filled with it!_

_He hadn't hated many people in his life. He'd disliked quite a few, but never hated._

_He hated now._

_And he didn't much care for the feeling._

_He made his way back to the freshly dug grave and carefully put her down, before he shuffled the dirt back on top of her. Fast, because he couldn't bear looking at her much longer. _

_Maybe he oughtta say something? A prayer or some such? But he couldn't think of any._

"_There ain't no God," he whispered to no one in particular, because only the dead were there to hear it. A God wouldn't have allowed this to happen._

_He should get on with the job. There were plenty more to go. But he was tired now, and his shoulder was aching up again._

_Hatred._

_He couldn't hold it back this time, and he screamed out loud. Wailed like a wounded animal. And instantly regretted it. What if the others had heard him?_

_He glanced back at the ship again. He still couldn't see anyone. _

_Hell if they were ever gonna see him break down!_

_He ran._

_Down the street._

_Around a house._

_And then fell to his knees and emptied his stomach. _

_Gasping he glanced up and noticed that he'd ended up next to the chapel, and he crawled inside, because this room was as good as any, and leaned against the wall, pulled his shirt over his head and cried._

_There ain't no God…_

_But if there ain't no God, there ain't no Heaven. And the little girl he'd just buried surely deserved Heaven._

_And the only person who could ever explain this to him, or at least would've tried to, was dead and gone with the rest of these unfortunate people. And the only thing left of him was the leather bound book lying on the minister's chair._

* * *

The galley was unusually quiet. It was not unlike that fateful day back on Miranda, Zoë mused, when Mal had told them he aimed to misbehave. But he wasn't standing this time, not rallying them with some inspired speech about honor. Instead he half slouched in his chair, silently watching the still unopened package in front of him, drumming his fingertips against the dinner table.

Kaylee was to his left, looking excited and a little sad and scared at the same time with her wide eyes. Simon was next to her again, patiently waiting for someone to take some initiative but clearly not planning on being that person himself. Jayne was on the captain's right hand side, glaring at the package as if it trying to kill it. Next was Inara, and she mostly kept her worried eyes on Mal. Jo was the only one not seated. She stayed back, leaning against the kitchen counter on which River had curled up. And Zoë herself was at the far end of the table.

The tension in the room was heavy and suffocating. Zoë knew she wasn't the only one thinking this. They were all hoping for somebody to say something, but for some reason all of them hesitated to do so. The memories came flooding back and she didn't welcome them.

Not now.

Not yet.

In the end she had to break the silence herself. "Sir?"

Mal tore his eyes away from the package and looked up to meet hers, and now as she'd finally burst the bubble, everybody started talking at once.

"What ya'll think he sent us?" Kaylee asked warily.

"Hell, _how _did he do it?" Jayne added. "He's _dead_."

"Well, he obviously had someone do it _for _him," Simon said, and there was that little hint of impatience in his voice even if he clearly tried to hide it.

"I knew that!" Jayne scowled at him.

Zoë had kept her eyes on Mal the whole time and he hadn't looked away either."Shouldn't we open it?" she asked.

"Yeah," he replied and sat up straight. "Yeah, we should."

Everybody fell quiet again and kept their eyes intently on their captain as he grabbed the package and pulled it towards him. He struggled a little with the strips and accepted the knife Jayne handed him. He tore off the paper and paused a little before lifting off the lid, and as he did they all cringed their necks to see what was inside.

It was filled with straw.

And a single white envelope.

There was a lot of quizzical frowning around the table, but nobody spoke as Mal used Jayne's knife to cut the envelope open. As he pulled out a sheet of paper something else fell out as well and jingled across the table before coming to a rest next to the centerpiece. It was a small object and it glittered in the light from the candles, and everybody leaned in to see.

"Oh gosh, it's the Adelaide pin!" Kaylee exclaimed. "You know, the lapel pin that we… well, you know." She blushed with shame at the memories.

It was indeed that tiny silver cross that once upon a time had caused them so much grief and worry, and Mal picked it up and held it up towards the lamp to inspect it more closely.

"I don't get it," Jayne grunted. "How come he used such a big box for such a tiny thing?"

The rest of them efficiently ignored the question.

"Read the letter," Simon urged.

Mal put the pin down and slapped Jayne's hand as he tried to grab it, and then unfolded the paper and began reading out loud.

'_My friends,_

'_If you're reading this, I'm dead. Perhaps I died peacefully in my own bed, satisfied and full of years as they say, and you're all old and grey – or at least older than you were – and have gone your separate ways by now. But I don't think so. I always expected death to claim me violently and suddenly, because that's the only fitting end to the kind of life I've lived. _

'_Yes, I picture you all frowning right about now, thinking these are strange words coming from a shepherd. But then again I know you've always suspected I was a lot more than just a preacher, and you were right to do so. But I'll spare you the details. My life's no longer important. What's important is my legacy._

'_I've instructed my brethren at the abbey to mail you this package upon receiving words of my death, which I'm – as already stated – sure will find me not too long after we parted ways. And I hereby declare that I'm leaving all my earthly possessions to you, the crew. You will find it isn't much, mostly only the shirt off my back and this pin, which I recall Zoë and Kaylee taking particular interest in. Speaking of the pin, you will need it._

"Need it for _what_?" Jayne asked as Mal turned the sheet to continue reading. He was only met by a chorus of shushes.

'_Because there is one more object I have intended for you to inherit. For now it's safely hidden away, and deliberately so. I have left you clues that will eventually lead you to it, and it is my hope that by the time you find it, you will know what to do with it._

'_You'll find that some of the clues will be easy to interpret, others maybe not so much, but they are created in such a way that only you – the crew of _Serenity – _will be able to do so, and you will __all__ be needed to complete the puzzle._

'_My friends, I must warn you; this object that you'll be searching for is desired by a lot of people. You will not be the only ones looking for it, and some will stop at nothing to get to it before you. These people must __not__ – and I can't stress this enough – succeed. So take care. Do not speak of this to anyone. And good hunting._

_If the Lord grants me the chance, I'll put in a good word for you._

_Sincerely,_

_Book._

"And then there's just some numbers," Mal finished his reading.

"Numbers?" Kaylee frowned.

"Yeah. Nine-one-one, one-one, one-seven."

"Must be the first clue," Simon said. "May I see?"

The captain wordlessly handed him the letter and the doctor flattened it on the table in front of him and studied the string of numbers scribbled on it. "Looks like a simple book code," he quickly concluded.

"Yeah, we know it's Book's code," Jayne said, sounding a little annoyed, the way he always did when he didn't catch up on something right away.

"No, not _Book's_ code," Simon explained, more patiently than usual. "_A_ book code. You use a certain book that only you and the receiver of the coded message know of, and the numbers represent the page, the line on that page and the word, or sometimes letter, on that line."

"Okay," Mal said. "Which book?"

"Man was a preacher," Zoë said quietly. "There's only one book."

A moment of silence fell between them.

"Well," Mal eventually said, leaning back in his chair, "there ain't no Bible on this boat."

"Bible's broken," River muttered from her place on the kitchen counter. "Doesn't make sense." She looked at Mal. "It fixes _you._"

At that moment Jayne suddenly pushed back his chair and stomped out of the kitchen. The others followed him with their eyes as he disappeared through the hatch, but didn't comment on it.

"It's on the Cortex, ain't it?" Kaylee said.

"You'll need one with pages," Jo pointed out.

"We'll probably need _his,_" Simon added. "Or one just like it. For the numbers to make sense."

"It's probably still on…," Inara began.

"We ain't going to back to Haven," Mal declared before she could finish. "I ain't settin' my foot there ever again."

"But how else we gonna solve this?" Kaylee asked.

"Who said we _were?_" the captain retorted.

Another moment of pregnant silence followed. Then Kaylee put her hand on the shepherd's letter and pushed it towards her captain. "It's _Book_," she said, looking him straight in the eye. "He's askin' us to."

Mal looked back at her for a few short seconds, and at the other end of the table Zoë had to cover her smile with her hand. The mechanic was working her puppy eyes for all their worth.

"Well, I still can't just conjure up a…," the captain began, but was promptly interrupted when Jayne burst back into the room and dropped something down on the table in front of him. "Bible," a slightly shocked Mal finished the sentence.

And that was precisely what it was. The shepherd's own leather bound copy.

Everybody looked from it to Jayne.

"I took it," he muttered, looking down as if uncertain where else to put his eyes. "Don't rightly know why, so don't ask, okay?" He shrugged. "Figured he wouldn't need it no more."

"I'm sure he wouldn't have minded, Jayne," Inara said softly. The mercenary just grunted.

Simon reached out for the book, but Mal was faster. "Let's see, then," he said, and started flipping through it while he glanced at the letter to recheck the numbers. "Page nine hundred and eleven… line eleven… word number… There ain't seventeen words on this line, Doc."

"Maybe it's _verse,_" Simon suggested. "The seventeenth word in the eleventh verse."

"Alrighty." Mal counted his way down the page, then frowned and looked up at the others. "Harvest," he said.

"The treasure's on _Harvest_?" Jayne mused, while Mal, Zoë, Simon and Inara all turned to look at Kaylee.

"What ya'll lookin' at _me _for?" she asked when she eventually noticed.

"Harvest's your homeworld," the captain replied.

"Well, yeah, I was raised there, _sure,_ but…"

"Book said only _we_ will know how to solve the riddles," Zoë explained. "And that we would _all _be needed."

Mal nodded. "Mayhaps this one's for you, Kaylee."

"But I don't get it," she said, looking from one to the other. "Where would I look? I mean, Harvest's a pretty big planet."

"But that town we found you in ain't," Mal pointed out.

"No," the mechanic hesitantly agreed. "But I wouldn't know what to… I don't even have family there no more. My brothers found work on Deadwood 'bout six months after I joined you guys, and my folks went there with 'em."

"Still, it's the best and only option at this point," the captain said.

"Maybe it'll make sense when you get there," Inara suggested with a sympathetic smile.

"So we _are _going there?" Zoë asked, addressing Mal.

"Well," he mumbled, trying rather unsuccessfully to hide the sudden and somewhat uncharacteristically look of thrill and excitement on his face, "it's not like we got sumthin' better to do. And if nothin' else, we might find work there. So…"

"Plotting a course for Harvest!" River happily exclaimed, before she jumped off the counter and started skipping towards the bridge.

"Hey, what? Wait!" Mal shouted and hurried after her.

"Looks like we goin' to Harvest," Zoë dryly remarked.

"Shiny," Jo smiled. "I ain't never been to Harvest."

"You ain't never been _anywhere_," Jayne pointed out.

"Tha's what I'm sayin'."

Jayne snorted. "Harvest is wheat, barley, corn and more wheat."

"Shiny," Jo repeated and kept smiling.

Kaylee still looked a little confused and taken aback, but she glanced up at Simon and smiled when he took her hand. "Now I get to see where you grew up," he said.

"Yeah," she replied and a dreamy and, Zoë thought, slightly worried look fell across her face. "Yeah, you do."

* * *

_**A/N:** The Jayne section at the start of this chapter is adapted from the closing scene of the last "episode" of Firefly Season 2 at Virtual Firefly, a wonderful fan made continuation of the series presented in script format. I really wish I could take the full credit for it, but honor where honor is due ;)_

_As for the Bible references; I'm using the New International Version by International Bible Society. The "book code" might not work with other versions._


	4. Chapter 4

_There are zealots and preachers and readers of dreams / The righteous yell loudest and the saved rise to sing / The lonely and lost are just waiting to hear / Any moment their purpose will be perfectly clear_

_- Mary Chapin Carpenter/"The Calling"_

* * *

_**THE FIRST CLUE: HARVEST**_

Inara slipped quietly unto the bridge and paused a little just inside the door. Mal was in the pilot's seat, but judging by his laidback body language, River was the one flying the ship at the moment. She was perched at the edge of the co-pilot's seat, both hands on the stick, staring intently through the viewport; at what Inara wasn't sure. She saw no obstacles out there.

"So, Harvest?" she began, and almost kicked herself at the lame remark. Lately she'd seemed to be losing her ability to strike up conversation casually.

Mal glanced back at her. "Seems like. We'll be there in five days."

"Four," River corrected him.

Mal frowned at her. "Four? What route did you plot?" He leaned over and brought up the charts on the Cortex screen. His eyes widened. "How the hell did you come up with this?" he exclaimed.

"I didn't," River replied. "_He_ did."

"Who?"

"Wash."

"Wash?" Mal echoed before he seemed to realize what she meant. "Ah, you're using his notes. Well, we can't go that way."

"Why not?"

"Because," he pointed to the screen, "it'll take us straight through the Motherload asteroid belt! Now, that was a walk in the park for Wash, but I can't maneuver this boat through that."

"I can," she simply replied.

He just stared at her for few seconds. "How'd you know? You've never tried!"

"It's all numbers."

"Oh yeah," Mal mumbled. "Killing us with mathematics." He raised his voice. "Not going to happen. Plot a way around it."

"But…" River began.

"I gave you an order!"

Inara flinched. She was pretty sure she'd never heard Mal talk to River this way before, at least not directly. Mal must have noticed the sudden tension in the room, because he lowered his voice – though he still sounded strict – as he continued, "If you're pilotin' my boat, you're on my crew. And if you're on my crew, you'll have to learn to obey the captain. _Dong ma?_"

River actually smiled. "Yessir. Plotting new course, sir."

"Thank you."

Smiling too, Inara kept studying the back of Mal's head. Six months after she'd told him "I don't know" she was still with him, much to her own surprise. Looking back, she wasn't sure what she'd expected back then, but whatever it was she'd never gotten it. Things were still pretty much the same between them; tense, unresolved, though just a tad less awkward, she had to admit. Probably because she'd stopped taking clients.

She'd stopped taking clients…

Had it been a conscious choice? She wasn't sure. But she knew it wasn't for him, though she might have done it for him if he'd asked her. She'd just stopped. And she didn't miss it. Much.

Perhaps it had been all those innocent deaths? In the light of all that suffering her old life had suddenly seemed to silly. So hollow and unsubstantial… so totally without purpose.

Was this her purpose then? Staying with a man who didn't turn her away but never expressed his love for her either. Onboard an old mid-bulk transport on which she might or might not belong. Where her job was… what exactly? She cooked sometimes, kept watch at the helm on occasion, but mostly she was just… there.

She loved him.

That was the easy answer. That's why she stayed. That's why she didn't take clients. And that's why she'd run away in the first place. Because loving a man this much was scary… scary, scary indeed.

Footsteps approaching in the hallway behind her awoke her from her thoughts. Too loud to be Zoë, not heavy enough to be Jayne. She glanced over her shoulder. Sure enough, it was the new arrival – Jo. The woman stepped inside the room, took up a stance right next to her and barely offered her a glance because she was too busy staring at the stars outside.

"Wow," she breathed.

Inara smiled. "Breathtaking, isn't it?" She'd been introduced to Jo Cobb earlier, but in all the fuss caused by the shepherd's package she hadn't yet had the opportunity to really take her in. Get to know her, so to speak, in the Companion's way.

"Yeah," Jo replied. "The people who took me to Beaumonde wouldn't let me on the bridge. I saw nothin' but walls for a week." She threw a hesitating look at the captain. "I _am _allowed to be here, right?"

Mal glanced at her. "Sure. Jus' don't touch anything."

"'Course not. That'd be stupid."

"It's just that your brother has this habit of… Oh, never mind."

Jo took another step forward and glanced upwards through the window overhead. "Makes you feel kinda small."

Inara suspected Jo didn't feel small often. She was even taller than Zoë, with broad shoulders and muscular arms she, just like Jayne, had squeezed into a t-shirt a little too tight.

"Why aren't they moving?" she asked.

"What?" Inara said.

"The stars."

"The stars don't move." The reply came from River. She had turned to look at them. "We do."

"I just figured…" Jo began, but interrupted herself. "Hell, what do _I _know?" She tensed a little and began rummaging through her pockets. "Oh, I nearly forgot. I have somethin' for you, River." She paused as she finally found the right pocket and pulled something out of it. A shadow of sadness crossed her features as she added, "From Mattie."

River had turned her chair around and wordlessly accepted the gift. It was a bracelet of some kind, made up by a simple string of leather and a little star hammered out of some form of metal.

"He made me promise you'd get it," Jo finished.

"It's beautiful," Inara smiled, and meant it. She knew the true value of a gift had nothing to do with how much it sparkled or how much money one had paid for it.

River only held the string up in front of her face, carefully studying the little star dangling from it. Then a small smile slowly caressed her face. "Stardust," she whispered.

"Shall we put it on?" Inara asked, stepping forward. River never answered, but allowed her to tie the string around her wrist, and then she abruptly stood and walked off the bridge.

"Okay, then, I'll take the helm," Mal sarcastically called after her. He pushed a few buttons and sat back in his chair, throwing another look at Jo. "You settlin' in alright?"

"Yeah," she replied. "Got me a room in the passenger dorm. I'll be comfy."

"Good. You have five days before we reach Harvest. Let Jayne fill you in on the things you need to know. Not that Harvest is a particularly interesting place."

"Places tend to _become_ interesting when you show up," Inara pointed out.

Mal smiled a little, as if it actually amused him. "I guess that's so."

* * *

_**Five months earlier**_

_They have finally left Haven when the news arrive. They're seated around the table for dinner, and Inara walks in from the bridge and says there's a message on the Cortex for the Eagle._

_And she knows what it says. And there's a big hole inside of her, and the food turns to ashes in her mouth, and all the sounds disappear – and then reappear louder than before. And the Eagle returns and he looks sad, but they all look sad these days, some try harder than others to hide it but no one's really able, and he says nothing, just sits back down on his chair…_

"_Mattie's dead."_

_She speaks the words herself, and they all look at her…_

_Kaylee, Simon, grief and ecstasy warring inside…_

_Zoë, stoic face can't cover the turmoil in her soul… _

_the Life, that she still doesn't know about…_

_Inara, screaming out for the captain…_

_the captain, purposeless, screaming back…_

_Jayne, the Eagle, who feels, feels, FEELS…_

_and the hole grows bigger and consumes her, and she's hot and she's cold, and she wants to leave – and she hears the Eagle's confirmation as she does so._

_Later Simon finds her, curled up next to Serenity's heart, listening to the beats… _

_dum du-dum… dum du-dum… hum… hum… hum…_

_She doesn't cry._

"_River," he says, reaching out to touch her. "You knew he was sick. We knew this would happen."_

_She looks up to see his eyes. They're widened and sympathetic, and his words are not right, he doesn't mean it this way. _

_She asks anyway. "Is that supposed to make me less sad?"_

_And regret and honest sadness color his face. "No, _mei mei,_" he says, and pulls her closer, wrapping his big brother arms around her. "No."_

_And she's crying now._

* * *

Harvest was, as the name suggested, an agricultural world. As the fourth planet out from the Red Sun, it had a few big cities, but no metropolises to speak of. People here were mostly farmers or otherwise involved with the food processing business. Flying over it, it seemed like every square inch of its vast plains were ploughed and cultivated. It was a patchwork of various hues of yellow and green, split up by rivers and oceans and the occasional mountain ridge.

Kaylee's hometown bore the name Iowa, and was located almost in the dead center of the western continent. It was the largest town for hundreds of miles around, but by no means did that make it big in the strictest sense; less than a couple of thousand people lived there. Mal had only visited the place once before, back when they'd first met the mechanic, but he remembered it well. It had a spaceport of sorts, and he landed the ship there (as River apparently had decided this was a simple enough task for him to perform on his own).

It had been a languorous journey. Uneventful, except for a somewhat brutal sparring match between the Cobbs, that honestly had been quite entertaining to watch, but also had done some damage to the cargo bay interior, and therefore he'd asked, or rather ordered, them not to repeat it.

And speaking of the Cobbs, the addition of Jo had done wonders to the atmosphere onboard. She kept Jayne occupied, so that _he _did not bother the doctor, which allowed the doctor to relax a little, which meant more one-on-one time for him and Kaylee in the engine room, which made Kaylee happy. She and Zoë talked a lot – conversations that provided his first mate with some much-needed distraction – and also Inara seemed comfortable around her, and Mal suspected she had some effect on him as well. He'd heard her play her banjo one evening, from behind the closed door of her alcove in the passenger dorm, and he'd stopped and listened and actually enjoyed it, and it had dawned on him how quiet this ship had become lately.

Well, some fresh blood had never hurt.

Kaylee was terrible at hiding her feelings (or _would _have been terrible at hiding her feelings if she'd ever actually _tried _it), and came across as extremely exited but also a little uneasy as the bay doors opened and the ramp was lowered, and the near suffocating summer heat of her hometown rushed in on them like a wave. The port here was rather busy; _Serenity _was just one of several ships currently parked there and didn't draw any special attention, and the young mechanic seemed to appreciate this as she took a moment to just take in the sights.

"Strange to be back?" Zoë mildly asked her.

"Yeah," Kaylee replied with a mutter, and absentmindedly wiped her hands at her overalls. As Simon stepped up next to her, she threw him a short glance and smiled nervously.

Mal was not one for just hanging around reminiscing. "Should be quite possible to find a job," he declared, and tried to ignore the 'you-could-at-least-have-given-her-a-few-moments' look he received from Inara. "What you reckon, lil' Kaylee, does Mayor Ryan still call the shots 'round here?"

"Got no reason not to think so, Cap," she replied. "He was still in charge when my folks left. Then again, that was more'n three years ago."

"Guess there's only one way to find out," Mal said, checking his gun and pockets. "You comin'?"

"I'd rather not."

Her answer surprised him and he glanced up, frowning. "No? A familiar face might help us get a deal."

"Not mine," she stated, clearly uncomfortable under his and, he noticed, the others' scrutinizing glares. "He don't like me."

Simon's face particularly gave the impression that he found this piece of information completely implausible, and Mal guessed his own mirrored the same expression.

"It's nothin', really," Kaylee hurriedly added. "An ol' dispute 'tween our families, is all. Some people _do _love to hold a grudge." She smiled reassuringly. "I'd rather just look around the ol' neighborhood, if you don't mind. 'Sides, I got this clue-thingy to search for."

"Sure," Mal nodded and then turned to address the others, "Jayne, Jo, you're with me. Shore leave for the rest of you, but see if you can help Kaylee look for… whatever it is we're lookin' for."

And with that Mal, flanked by his two mercenaries, headed down the street towards the mayor's residence, still silently wondering how it was possible for anyone to _not _like Kaylee Frye.


	5. Chapter 5

It was a strange thing, the captain heading off to do business without her. Zoë watched him go with a surge of…

Was it sadness?

She guessed one could call it that. A feeling of emptiness, like she didn't really know what to do or where to go. Back when Wash had been alive she'd loved the rare day off, when the two of them could slip off to somewhere or maybe just lock themselves away in their room. But now when he was gone, she had no idea what to do with her time. And she knew she would have a lot of it in the months to come.

Well, there was always the shopping. There had to be _something _they needed to stock up on, and she turned to head back inside the ship to find out what. She stopped when Inara called for her. "Zoë, where are you going?"

"Thought I might do some resupplin'."

Inara's smile was mild and friendly as she stepped up to her, but when she grabbed her arm it was quite firmly. "The captain said shore leave," she said, emphasizing the word. "There'll be time enough for chores later. Come walk with us."

Zoë was about to protest, but a part of her didn't really want to, and maybe spending time alone wasn't the wisest thing to do right now, so in the end she relented and allowed herself to be led along.

Kaylee and the Tams were already far ahead. She spotted them further up the road leading into town. The mechanic seemed to heartily and happily greet every other person they met, and Simon looked a little lost, even at this distance, as he tried to keep up with her while at the same time keeping an eye on his sister.

Zoë and Inara were in no hurry to catch up with them. It was Friday morning and the town was buzzing with life. There were roadside stands and little shops to investigate, and colors and sounds enough to look at and experience.

"I love Border worlds," Inara sighed happily as she stopped by a shop to rummage through a basket full of scarves, and when Zoë raised an eyebrow at that remark, she elaborated, "They've got a certain charm. Though I have to admit that at some point they all start looking the same to me."

Zoë smiled. "Guess it's the same way with me and Core worlds."

Inara talked with the shopkeeper and paid for a midnight blue shawl. "This will do," she said as she carefully folded it and put it in her bag.

"For what?" Zoë asked.

The Companion just smiled secretively.

Zoë looked around, taking in the details. It was an old habit of hers; she always had to be in complete awareness of her surroundings, always on the lookout for potential danger. She saw none now, though. But she did see mothers with small children hurry along, and wondered if this was the kind of life she had waiting for her. She had no idea where to settle really, hadn't really though about it all. She just knew that if things stayed the same, _she_ couldn't.

She must have been crazy to actually think she could raise a child on _Serenity!_

Yes, she'd been raised on a ship herself. But her parents hadn't been crooks (though of course for a lot of people Travelers were just another word for that). They'd made an honest living doing freelance cargo runs.

Legal ones.

As far as she knew anyway.

And as much as Mal wanted to stay under the Alliance's radar, he did have a knack for drawing their attention. Their 'simple' jobs often turned out to be both dangerous and violent. Her unborn child had only her. It was bad enough she had to grow up without her father.

But where would she go? What would she do for a living? She wasn't skilled in any trade.

She suddenly became aware that Inara was looking at her. The Companion was courteous enough to be discreet about it, but she had tilted her head a little to the side, clearly studying her while a small smile tugged at the corners of her mouth.

"What's on your mind?" she asked.

"Nothin'," Zoë waved her off.

Of course she didn't buy it. "You seem troubled."

Zoë sighed. "Just contemplatin' the future, is all."

Inara nodded. "Have you decided where to go?"

Zoë stared at her. "You know I'm leavin'? Did Mal tell you?"

"No," Inara shook her head, "I guessed. So you've told Mal?"

She sighed again. "I've told 'im I'm _thinkin' _about it."

"I see."

They were quiet for a few moments. Zoë looked away, shifting her attention to the busy street, but she felt Inara's eyes on her the entire time, until she turned back towards her again. "Am I doin' the right thing here?"

"Only you know what's right for you, Zoë. And for your child." She smiled. "And you are talking to the woman who _did _leave, remember? Who came back."

"Yeah," Zoë returned the smile and then added, "Why _did _you come back?"

"I don't know."

"Good answer."

They continued on their way and caught up with Kaylee, Simon and River just as a couple of young women came running towards them, shrieking like teenage girls. "Kaylee!"

"Cille!" Kaylee called back. "Lien-Hua!" They threw themselves at each other, making a slightly nervous Simon backstep a little as they jumped up and down with excitement and started chatting like a bunch of caffeinated chickens. The doctor waited patiently though, until one of the girls finally acknowledged him with a curious look.

"Who's this?" she asked.

Simon smiled and gave one of his trademark courteous nods. He stepped forward and reached for Kaylee's hand. "I'm…"

"He's the medic," Kaylee interrupted him, and slightly shied away from his hand as if it was done unconsciously. Then she happily introduced everybody else as if nothing had happened.

A shadow of hurt fell across Simon's face, but he said nothing, only trotted after the girls as they continued down the street.

Behind his back Zoë exchanged a worried look with Inara. She'd seen it too.

* * *

Mal hadn't dealt with Mayor Ryan directly the last time he'd visited Iowa, but considering the fact that the man reportedly didn't like Kaylee, he expected him to be an asshole of proportions. Not that it worried him too much; he'd dealt with his share of assholes before, knew how to handle them.

They entered the front office and were met by the mayor's clerk, a young man with curly, red hair who introduced himself as Rudy. Just the first name; apparently things weren't too formal around here.

"I'm Captain Malcolm Reynolds," Mal said, determined to stay formal nevertheless. He pointed over his shoulder with his thumb. "This is Jayne and Jo."

Rudy threw a short glance up at them. "Don't you mean Joe and Jane?"

"No," Mal replied, curtly and humorlessly, "I mean Jayne and Jo." He heard a small, growling sound emitting from Jayne, but to the man's credit he stayed quiet. "I sent a wave a few days ago and…"

"Yes," Rudy interrupted him with a bright smile. "You're the fella with the Firefly! Yeah, we've been expectin' ya. Please, take a seat. The mayor'll be here soon."

And with that he scurried out of the room.

Twenty minutes later they were still waiting. Rudy the Clerk had returned, and now and then he would look up from his work behind the desk and smile apologetically. Jo had retreated to a crooked old coach by the wall, legs stretched out in front of her, her hands resting at the back of her head, but Mal knew that even though it didn't _seem _that way, she was paying attention. He himself refused to sit. He never sat down in a stranger's office as long as he was given a choice not to. And Jayne was prowling the room, sniffing out the corners, clearly uncomfortable and itching for some action, but so far he'd stayed on his best behavior.

_Of course he's letting us wait, _Mal thought as he glanced at the clock on the wall for the umpteenth time. _Asshole that he is._

Then suddenly the door at back of the room flew open and a large, heavy man in his fifties came bouncing in.

Yes, _bouncing_. In spite of the fact that he was at least a hundred-and-fifty pounds overweight.

His eyes caught Mal's and his face cracked up in a huge grin as he rounded Rudy's desk and approached him with an outstretched hand. "Captain Reynolds? So sorry you had to wait this long. I'm Mayor Lorenzo Ryan. Nice to meet ya."

Mal knew he wasn't doing a particularly good job at hiding the complete shock he felt at this kind of reception. _This _was the man who didn't like Kaylee? If there was anything asshole-y about him at least it wasn't apparent_._

He managed to pull himself together enough to accept the hand he was offered. "Er, thank you."

Jo had jumped to her feet the moment the man arrived, and Mal sensed her and Jayne taking up a protective stance behind his back. The mayor didn't seem intimidated by this, however. He just squeezed his big belly in between them and Mal to greet the siblings as well. "Hello, welcome."

"This is Jo and Jayne," Mal muttered as he turned towards them, still a little taken a back. Jayne's face mirrored his own suspicion, but Jo returned the mayor's smile.

"The girl's Jo, the man's Jayne," Rudy added helpfully from his place at the desk. Jayne threw him a warning look that both the clerk and the mayor either didn't see or chose ignore.

"Come, come," Ryan urged them along. "We can talk in my office."

He shepherd them into the back room and sat down at his desk. The chair seemed dangerously close to fall apart under him. "So you're lookin' for work," he said, but didn't wait for Mal's response before he continued, "I've forwarded your request to my contacts around town. Several have already expressed their interest."

Later, Mal could for the life of him not remember what was being said the next few minutes. All he could think of was the absurdity of this situation, about how this jovial and helpful mayor didn't like his jovial and helpful mechanic. It just didn't sit right with him. Something here was definitely wrong.

Gorram, he wished the man had been an ass!

"…so come back again Monday, and see if we haven't come up with somethin' for you by then," Ryan concluded his long string of words and hence forced the captain back to reality.

"Thank you," Mal said again, forcing a smile.

The mayor rose (and it was as if the chair sighed with relief as he did so). "In the meantime there's the Friday night dance down by the river tonight. We of course hope you'll take advantage of our 'verse-famous hospitality and join us."

Mal forced another smile, perfectly aware that most of the 'verse had never even _heard _of Iowa, Harvest and its hospitality, then coughed up a few standard polite phrases and scurried his people out of there.

"Well, he was _nice_," Jo thoughtfully noted as they stepped out unto the street again.

"Yeah," Mal muttered. "I don't like it."

"No?" she frowned. "We don't like 'nice'?"

"He was a little _too_ nice, don' you reckon?"

Jayne nodded his agreement. "I don't trust nice people. Or good-lookin' people. Don't trust them either."

"Is there _anyone _you trust?" Jo sarcastically asked him.

"There's you_,_" he replied.

She stared at him and stuck to the sarcasm, "My, _thank _you, Jayne."

Of course he didn't take the hint, only pushed past them and continued down the street. Mal just shook his head and gave Jo a sympathetic shrug behind his back.

"So, too nice, huh?" she said, leading the conversation back on track again. "You _always_ find somethin' wrong with people you deal with?"

"'Course I do. Can't deal with them otherwise."

"Okay, so you _are _dealing with him?"

"I guess. If he can fix us up with a job."

She stopped to look worriedly at him. "He _did _fix us up with a job."

"He _did?_" He contracted his eyebrows in a pensive frown.

"You didn't hear?" She laughed out loud. "Oh man, I'd say _someone _needs to kick back a little. Lucky for you we arrived just in time for the local hoedown."

"I ain't goin'," he said.

"Why not?"

"I don't dance."

"Really?" There was a teasing gleam in her eyes. "'Cause, see, I got this very vivid mem'ry of you doin' the Fling like a born and bred Invernessian."

"That was your potato wine dancin', not me."

She kept laughing. "Oh, I got alcohol if that's what you need."

"I very much doubt you'll get me that drunk _ever_ again, Miss Cobb."

She winked at him. "Aw hell, alcohol or no, I still got my banjo. Just you wait and see, Cap, I'ma get you dancin', one way or the other."

The woman sure had some nerve! But Mal also realized, there and then, that like her mother she also possessed that rare talent for making him feel calm and relaxed, and much to his own surprise he felt a smile creep across his face.

Perhaps a party wasn't such a bad idea after all?

Not that he was gonna dance.

He was definitely not gonna dance.


	6. Chapter 6

The captain was dancing.

Zoë didn't think anyone was really surprised by this, except maybe the man himself. At least _she_ wasn't. She had known the old Malcolm, the soldier she'd fought alongside with, the man who'd told wild stories, who loved to laugh, who whistled and sang – and danced. And she knew that deep down inside he was still that man. Even though he kept insisting otherwise.

Of course he _did _need an excuse these days; a drink (or five), a special kind of music or a special kind of company. But if the mood was right you _could_ still persuade him into telling stories and get him dancing. And as one could easily observe tonight, Jo Cobb seemed to know _exactly_ what buttons to push.

Speaking of Jo, she had joined forces with the local fiddler and they had kept not only the captain, but also everybody else dancing and singing and hooting for hours now.

Not Zoë herself though, she didn't have the energy to dance these days, and unlike Mal she'd never really been a dancer anyway. She'd often wondered whether the war had changed her as much as it had changed the captain, or if she'd always been this cool and calculated, preferring to observe life from a distance, too afraid to lose control to really get involved.

She couldn't remember. Who she'd been before all this mess.

She _did_ remember the day the Alliance blew _The Bohemia – _the Traveler fleet's biggest civilian ship – out of the sky, killing hundreds, among them seven of her baby cousins. The day she enlisted. But whatever had been _before _that was all a blur to her now.

Another life.

Long gone, and gone forever.

But if the war hadn't changed her, the years that had passed since certainly had. She looked at Mal, smiling a little as the clearly intoxicated man made a rather pitiful attempt at a _hallingkast, _an acrobatic dance move they'd witnessed on their occasional visits to Odin and Besla. The war had hardened him, and the peace had softened her.

The baby in her belly moved.

No, she corrected herself, _Wash _had softened her.

She felt the now familiar sting of sadness and that big void of emptiness that kept threatening to claim her, but took a deep breath to shake it off and steady herself. She owed it to him, to their baby, to _not _turn back into that stone cold _shion tse sha sho_ again.

Her train of thoughts was interrupted when one of the locals, a kind-looking older woman, walked up to her and offered her an apple, and when Zoë hesitated to take it, the woman smiled and said, "For you," and nodding towards her belly, added, "For your baby."

With a smile that probably mirrored the awkwardness she was feeling, because all the attention pregnant women seemed to get still made her feel somewhat uncomfortable, she accepted the gift and fumbled around for her knife to cut it.

Then she stopped and looked at the apple.

Hesitated.

Considered to just munch on it for once.

The war was long gone, most likely it wouldn't return, when not even the Miranda broadcast could stir it to life. Sooner or later she would have to leave it there.

In the past.

With Wash.

Jo was singing now. Her strong, clear voice rose above the noise and the chattering and the loud music. Some sort of blues, but she still made it sound happy, or at least full of defiance.

Zoë allowed another smile to caress her lips, and then pulled out her knife and cut into the apple.

Baby steps.

* * *

To Inara it seemed like the world around her had gone mad. Not that it surprised her; she'd seen a lot of the 'verse by now, as well as those who lived in it, and she knew that the harder people's lives were, the wilder were their parties. And seeing Mal behave like he did now, only made her realize how low he'd really been.

He'd grabbed Jo now; she'd put down her banjo and joined him and several others in some sort of dance routine. Inara didn't even know what it was called, if it was even called anything at all. It could have been line dancing or square dancing, but there were no lines or squares that _she_ was aware of.

Buddha, she felt out of place!

She was trained to adapt to a great variety of different worlds and settings, but not this kind. People on worlds like this could seldom afford (or for that matter _attract_) a Companion. She guessed most of the women in her line of work would find this whole party vulgar and disgusting. She, on the other hand, had used to find them fascinating, maybe even like them to a certain degree.

Right now, though, she only felt lost.

She pulled her shawl around her and huddled a little where she sat on a log by one of the bonfires, smiling weakly to a toothless old man who not so discreetly observed her from across the flames. She spotted Jayne not too far away; he'd wrapped his big arm around one of the local girls; two more were hovering close by, standing in line should he tire of the first one. Zoë was there too, even _she _was smiling now and then. River was dancing, of course; her tiny frame twirled around and in between the others like a leaf, a dreamy but happy look on her face.

None were as happy as the captain, though, and that sting in Inara's stomach as she watched him could not be misinterpreted.

Try as she might, she had _never _been able to make Malcolm Reynolds smile this way. This was the body language of a man completely relaxed, the body language of a man surrounded by his own. He tripped over his feet and fell, pulling Jo along with him. They both roared with laughter as he landed on top of her, his face neatly nestled in between her rather humble breasts.

Inara had felt jealous before, with Saffron, with Nandi – and she was ashamed of it. Jealousy was a petty emotion, especially for a Companion, and she closed her eyes for a minute and tried to shake the silly thought.

Jo was no real competition! The woman was sly; Inara had only needed a few moments with her to figure _that _out.

Then again, she wasn't sure whether _Mal _knew, and he _did_ look happy there in Jo's arms…

Enough!

She tore her eyes away from him to look in another direction and they instead spotted Kaylee and her childhood friends chatting, and Inara found herself frowning when she realized Simon wasn't with her. She looked around for him, and found him sitting by one of the other fires nearby.

Well, at least she wasn't the only one feeling out of place.

The young doctor was shifting his eyes between his girlfriend, who seemed hell bent on ignoring him, and his sister (who was ignoring _everyone_). Inara's frown grew deeper, her own troubles temporarily pushed aside.

What was up with Kaylee? All that time and energy spent on winning Simon over, and now she treated him like _this_?

She would have to talk to her about it.

* * *

Friday turned into Saturday and the party slowly died away, the town fell asleep and nobody who didn't have to rose early that morning. Even Inara, who'd retreated to her shuttle at a reasonable time, had slept in. She'd still expected to be the first to enter the galley and was a little perplexed to find Jo already there. She was at the table, changing the strings of her beloved banjo, looking almost provokingly fresh for a person who'd partied all night. "Morning," she greeted her.

"Good morning," Inara replied, suddenly feeling a little uneasy. Walking over to the cupboard to look for her cup and plate, she stole another glance at her.

Big, strong women were nothing new to her. After all she'd lived with Zoë for a long time now. But while Zoë still liked to wear tight-fitting clothes, showing off her feminine curves, it didn't appear as if Jo was that concerned about her looks; she never wore any make-up and Inara was pretty sure she'd seen the shirt she was wearing on Jayne. Either way it did nothing for her figure.

She was proud of her hair, though. One could tell by the intricate ways she braided it; if the goal were just to keep it out of her eyes, then a simple ponytail would've sufficed. And it _was_ a hair to be proud of: dark brown, thick and waist-long.

Not a classic, picture-pretty beauty, then. But Inara could see how a man like Mal could fall for a woman like Jo. She was free spirited, straight forward and fun. And more importantly, she understood him and his way of life.

"You're up early." Inara finally decided to try and spark a conversation. After all it couldn't be more awkward than the silence. "Last night considered," she added when Jo looked puzzled.

"So are you," the other woman smiled.

"Well." Inara checked the pot on the stove to see if there were water in it. "I wasn't partying as hard as certain _other _people."

Jo chuckled. "I assume you're referrin' to our fearless leader?"

"It certainly looked like he had a good time," Inara said as she poured hot water over the freeze-dried coffee powder in her cup. She usually didn't drink coffee, but for some reason she really felt like it this morning.

"You ask me, I believe this crew needed it," Jo said. "You been through a lot, and not to be disrespectful 'bout that and all, but it was good to see ya'll smile."

"It was a good night," Inara lied, hoping it didn't show. She was a good liar as long as she was able to keep her emotions in check, but that had proved time and time again to be near impossible on this boat.

Luckily the uneasy tension (that hopefully only _she_ felt) in the room broke by the sound of footsteps in the hallway. Next Mal came through the door, and upon seeing him Jo grinningly stroke a chord on her banjo and sang loudly, "_Well, good mooooooooooooooooorning, Captain! Good morning to you, sir! Hey-heeeey!_"

He stopped dead in his tracks and threw his arms out to his sides. Zoë came in after him and she threw him a look and smiled a little as she pulled out a chair and sat down heavily, as if the short climb and walk from her bunk had worn her out.

Mal turned to look at her. "I danced last night, didn't I?"

"Like there was no tomorrow," she dryly replied.

Mal looked back at Jo and pointed a finger at her, and he kept poking the air with it, clearly struggling to find the right words, before he simply stated, "You're the devil."

Jo kept grinning. "I've heard that said. But don't put it all on me, Cap, you should've known better by now."

Mal muttered something inaudible and moved like a sleepwalker towards the stove. "I need coffee." Inara handed him her own still untouched cup, which he gratefully accepted before finding his place at the table. "Anyone seen Jayne?" he asked, rubbing his eyes.

"I don't think he slept onboard tonight," Zoë replied.

"Nah, he probably went someplace with that skinny chick," Jo agreed.

Mal took a sip of the hot drink and then a smile slowly spread across his face. "That was _some _party." The smile fell and he looked worriedly up at the others. "Nobody got married, did they?"

"Not that I saw, sir," Zoë answered.

Inara shook her head and started making herself a new cup of coffee, but the sound of shouting voices from the staircase by the engine room made both her and the others turn their heads towards it.

"That ain't what happened, Simon!"

"I thought we were through this! I've got no problems with where you're coming from, Kaylee. You've got no reason to be ashamed."

"Ashamed? I'm not ashamed!"

"You introduced me to your friends as _'The Medic'_! So maybe it's _me _then? Do _I _shame you?"

"You're bein' stupid!"

"I'm not stupid, I'm confused!"

Everyone in the kitchen exchanged looks with each other. Mal raised his eyebrows. "Did _they _get married? 'Cause it sure sounds that way."

The shouting stopped, and next a steaming Kaylee came in and stomped across the room and started rummaging through cupboards. When she felt the others staring at her, she turned towards them and spat with an uncharacteristically anger, "_What?_"

They all looked away, pretending to be busy, just as also Simon entered the galley and, without offering anyone as much as a glance, sat down at the table.

Luckily they didn't have to suffer the awkward tension for more than a few seconds, before the heavy footsteps that could only belong to Jayne rang from the staircase and the big mercenary burst through the door. "What's all this shoutin'?" he growled as he crossed the floor. His face lit up when he saw the fresh cup of coffee Inara had just finished making and left on the counter for a moment. "Hey, coffee," he said and snatched it. She sighed and rolled her eyes, but said nothing.

"The mayor's here to see ya," Jayne told Mal as he pulled out a chair, and Inara noticed how Kaylee, who was still by the cupboards, visibly paled upon hearing this.

The captain frowned. "What? Now? Why?"

"Dunno," Jayne replied, and didn't look like he cared that much.

The captain exchanged looks with Zoë and then put down his cup. "Better go see what he wants, then."

He rose and left the room. Jo and Zoë immediately followed him, and Inara let her curiosity take the better part of her and came with them to the cargo bay. She kept her distance though, staying in the back with Zoë, while Jo and the captain stepped up to the doorway to talk to the fat man waiting for them outside on the ramp. A younger, red-haired man accompanied him, looking rather timid and uncomfortable.

"Mayor Ryan, Rudy" Mal greeted them, with an enthusiasm Inara could clearly hear was fake. "What can I do for you? I was under the impression our plans was for Monday."

"You got Miss Kaywinnit Frye on your ship? They say she sails with you." The mayor was clearly not one for beating about the bush.

Mal hesitated for a fraction of a second, but his features gave nothing away as he answered the question, "Kaylee? She's on my crew, that's right."

Ryan's face too was a mask of stone, but even from this distance Inara could sense his suppressed and barely contained emotions. "I wish to speak to her."

At that precise moment Inara spotted the mechanic in question. She'd come out on the catwalk by the staircase leading up to the bridge, her eyes wide and worried, her back pressed against the wall, safely out of view for the people on the ramp. She shook her head frantically.

Somehow Mal had seen it too. "I'm afraid that won't be possible," he told the mayor.

Ryan's face hardened a little. "That could be a problem."

Mal almost casually crossed his arms in front of his chest. "Yeah?"

"Might not be good for our business relationship."

That was a threat. It didn't make an impression on the captain, though. "So be it," he simply replied. "But she don't wanna talk to you and I ain't forcin' her. Now, if you want me to rely a message, I'll be more'n happy to."

River suddenly appeared out of nowhere, and not until now did Inara realize she hadn't seen her all morning. She silently stepped up to the captain and took up a stance next to him, staring intently at the mayor, who noticed and clearly found it unsettling.

"This business is strictly between Miss Frye and myself," he eventually said, casting little glances at the skinny Reader. "But you can tell her I hope she'll change her mind and come see me. Good day."

He courteously tipped his hat and walked away. Mal waited until he was a good thirty paces away from the ship before he pushed the button to close the cargo bay doors. He then grabbed River by her shoulders, steering her along, and glanced upwards at Kaylee. "Galley," he ordered her.

They wordlessly returned to the kitchen and by the time they got there Kaylee was shaking like a leaf. They found Jayne by the table loudly eating an apple and Simon by the stove cooking. "River," the latter said upon seeing his sister and reached out his hand, a gesture she promptly ignored.

"Now, lil' Kaylee," Mal said as he leaned against the kitchen counter. "I'm thinkin' I might be needin' a few answers from you now. And I'm thinkin' Simon here might be needin' some too."

Kaylee's reaction was to burst out crying, something that instantly brought a look of regret to the captain's face, made Simon stiffen and Jayne to raise his eyebrows and otherwise just keep munching on his apple. But nobody managed to say or do anything before the mechanic exclaimed, "He promised not to tell!"

"Who?" Mal asked, throwing out his arms.

"The shepherd!" Kaylee wailed.

Inara hurriedly crossed the floor and draped an arm around the distraught girl. "Kaylee, _mei mei,_" she consoled her,"he never told us _anything._"

"Sweetie, we have no idea what you're talking about," Zoë added.

"But he wants _me _to tell you," Kaylee kept crying, her body shaking under Inara's hands. "That's why he's forced me back here, I'm sure o' it."

"Tell us _what_ exactly?" Mal probed.

"That I killed the mayor's son."

The crying got louder. But the rest of the room turned dead silent.

Even Jayne had stopped chewing.

* * *

_**A/N:** So I've included some of my own cultural heritage in this chapter ;) You can check out the _hallingkast _on YouTube. Jo's quoting/singing Dolly Parton's "Mule Skinner Blues"._


	7. Chapter 7

_**A/N: **Wow, has it really been a month? Needless to say, my life's been super busy lately. I also discovered some plot holes I had to take care of before I could post anything else. But, finally, here's part seven - and hopefully you won't have to wait as long for part eight :)_

_- MK_

* * *

It took some time before Kaylee made much sense. At first she just spluttered out a whole lot of incoherent words and sentences, most of which was completely unintelligible because of all the crying, and every time Mal tried to probe a little deeper he only made it worse. Eventually Inara took charge of the situation. She made the girl sit down on a chair, wrapped her shawl around her shoulders and poured her a cup of tea, soothed her and – for some unknown reason – threw a scowl in his and Jayne's direction.

It did the trick, though, and finally they got the story.

"It happened while we was growin' up here," Kaylee told them. "Carlos Ryan was my junior by a couple a years, and he was madly in love with me, or at least that's what they's sayin'. The girls thought it was funny. We…" She hesitated. "We had some fun on his account."

She drew in a deep breath before she continued, "And this one day, almost seven years ago, we're all down by the lake outside of town swimming. See, there's this little island, well it ain't much more than a rock really, pokin' out of the water, called the Devil's Tooth. It's sort of a venture for the boys 'round here to swim out and carve the name of their loved one. So I told Carlos that if he did that and carved my name, I'd go with 'im to the Friday night dance."

She paused again, but Mal could already see where this was going. "Lemme guess, he didn't get there?"

She shook her head. "No, he cramped. One of the older boys had to swim out and help him back." She closed her eyes, shamefully. "Boy, did we laugh."

As if on cue, Jayne snorted with laughter and earned himself a string of strict looks from the others. He threw his arms up. "Hey, I think it's funny!"

Kaylee ignored him and swallowed hard. "The next morning he don't show up and no one's seen 'im all day, and people went out lookin', and in the end they found his clothes down by the water."

"Oh no," Inara muttered.

Kaylee was crying again, silently this time. "He'd tried again. And he still couldn't do it."

"He drowned?" Jo almost needlessly asked.

Kaylee sobbed. "They searched for weeks. He was never found."

"Then how'd you know he's dead?" Jayne grunted. "Mebbe he went off-world or some such."

"Naked?" Simon asked him.

Jayne just shrugged.

A heavy silence fell between them for a few short moments. Jo was the first to break it. "That's a real sad story, Kaylee. But I fail to see why his death was _your _fault."

"I told him to do it," Kaylee protested, as if it shocked her that anyone would not agree. "I told him to swim. He did it because of me, and he did it _again _because I laughed at him." Her voice cracked.

Mal shifted a little in his seat. "How 'bout the mayor? He blame you as well?"

"He blamed all of us, but mostly me. There was a hearing at the council, but they agreed with you, Cap. Nobody could be held responsible, they said."

"And you don't believe them?" he asked her. When she didn't answer, he tried a different approach, "And the mayor still came after you?"

"He was grieving!" Kaylee insisted, as if she didn't blame the man at all. "And so was I. I stayed out of his way after that, I couldn't face him. And when I got the chance to leave this place, I jumped at it. As you know."

She looked at Simon. "That's why I just couldn't show them what you mean to me. I just couldn't come back here with a new man. I was so ashamed."

"I seem to recall seein' you with a new man when we found you here," Mal pointed out.

"No, Bester meant nothin' to me, that was just sex," Kaylee corrected him.

Simon flinched ever so slightly. "You should've told me," he muttered.

Another wave of pregnant silence hit them, but eventually Mal slammed the palms of his hands against the tabletop, making everybody jump. "Okay, now that _that's_ cleared, let's get on with our day, shall we?" He glanced at Kaylee. "We've got some shoppin' to do. Gotta resupply. Job or no, we're leavin' on Monday. Somehow I find this place less invitin' by the minute."

"Didn't we come here lookin' for a treasure?" Jayne grunted.

Mal eyed him, slightly annoyed. "Any idea where to look?"

Jayne narrowed his eyes. "No."

"Well, neither do I, but I'm sure if Book intended for us to find some clue here, Kaylee would've figured it out by now."

"Didn't she say it had sumthin' to do with that drowned kid?"

Kaylee flinched and stared at him upon hearing this. "I don't _know _that," she muttered.

Mal eyed her for a moment, but then looked back at Jayne. "Resupplyin'," he repeated. "Take Jo and stock up on ammo. Zoë, Kaylee and myself will get the food and fuel." He turned to Simon, "You got sumthin' you need as well, Doc?"

"A few things," Simon muttered without taking his eyes away from Kaylee. "I'll take care of it."

At least when it came to dealing with his new way of life the doctor had certainly gained a lot more confidence over the last months, Mal thought as gave a nod of satisfaction and turned his head the other way to find Kaylee looking intently at him. "I'm comin' with you?" she asked.

He hesitated. "If you'd rather stay…"

"No," she interrupted him, shaking her head, almost defiantly, "I'm comin'."

"Alrighty then," he said, clapping his hands together, "let's get goin'!" He caught a glimpse of Inara as he spun around to head out the door. "You'll stay?" he asked her. "Maybe keep River with you?"

She smiled apologetically. "Actually, I have some business on my own I'd like to attend to, if you don't mind."

"Okay," he simply said, feeling that familiar sting of uncertainty. She seemed to be having 'business' in every port they anchored in, didn't she?

"River can come with us," Kaylee chipped in, puncturing the uneasy silence and efficiently putting an end to _that_ discussion.

* * *

Kaylee wasn't sure what she wished for the most; that she'd never told the others about Carlos at all or that she'd told them the truth right away.

Whatever the case, she now felt naked and exposed and so incredibly, incredibly stupid as she walked the streets of her hometown. She smiled politely to her old friends and neighbors whenever they saw her and greeted her of course, but she kept her head down and tried to blend in with the crowd, afraid to be spotted by the mayor. She also made sure not to look westwards whenever she reached a street corner, so she wouldn't have to see the lake there, just outside of town, glittering in the sunlight, with all its dark and horrible memories.

She thought of Simon, and the sense of shame washed over her with renewed force. He'd just given her that thin smile of his before he'd left with Zoë, who had decided that Mal and Kaylee could handle the food and fuel without her and gone with the doctor instead. She guessed he was still mad, and he had every reason to be.

God, she felt ridiculed! How on Earth-that-was had she even _thought_ she'd be able to hide her shameful past from them?

She threw a glance over her shoulder to see if River was keeping up. The captain and the Cobbs had gone on ahead and left her with the task of looking after her, and the young girl had been quietly trotting in her footsteps, if one could ever describe River's graceful movements as 'trotting', lost in her own inner world, which as far as Kaylee saw it made her a great companion. She didn't feel like having a conversation at this point.

Only now she was gone…

Kaylee stopped dead in her tracks, scanning the crowd for the tiny frame. She bit her lip, almost kicking herself. Way to go, losing sight of River would certainly make Simon forgive her!

She backtracked a little and tried not to be too worried just yet. River often strayed off on her own, but she never strayed far and she always came back. She looked around the roadside stands and peered into a few of the shops, smiling weakly at people whenever they acknowledged her, and in the end – when she finally forced herself to look towards the lake – she found her missing crewmate.

She spotted the tiny figure crossing the otherwise deserted beach, headed for the water with determination, and wide-eyed, Kaylee watched how she pulled off her dress – the blue one that Radiant Cobb had given her – and dropped it to the ground, shamelessly exposing her small breasts, and how she, wearing nothing but her knickers, waded out into the water, dropped below the surface and then reappeared again a few paces farther away from land.

Only then did Kaylee's body finally react and she spurred into action and ran towards the water's edge. "River!" she called. "River, what you doin'? Come back!"

The girl ignored her, like she always did when she had her mind set on something, and kept swimming – straight towards the rock barely visible in the middle of the lake.

"River, no!" Kaylee screamed when she realized what the girl was doing. "River, don't! It's too far, it's like a _mile_!"

She still got no reaction, and she felt how the panic now kicked the adrenalin in her body into action, and without really thinking, she kicked off her slippers and pulled off her overalls (but kept the t-shirt on) before stepping into the lake herself.

It was cold, but she guessed her history with it made it seem colder than it really was. "River!" she called one last time as she slid down into the water and started swimming after her.

Boy, the girl was fast! There was no way she was ever gonna catch up with her. So why was she even trying? She had no good answer for that question, but somehow turning back didn't seem like an option.

It went well at first; she wasn't a bad swimmer, by no means. But then the initial kick of adrenalin started to wear off, and she suddenly felt her aching muscles and how cold the water really was, and when she looked up it seemed she hadn't gotten any closer to neither River nor the rock out there.

"River!" she cried, and there was a fear in her voice that she hadn't realized she was feeling.

And then she made the mistake of thinking about Carlos.

About how he was still in the water below her somewhere.

And it all rushed back in: the shame, the sadness… the anger.

Yes, she was angry! Angry with herself for doing this. All of this! Laughing at Carlos, running away from it all, taking her frustration out on Simon... Angry with Simon because he _let _her do that… Angry with Book who'd forced her back here… Angry with River because she _just wouldn't listen!_

River…

She couldn't even see her anymore.

She wanted to scream, but instead a wave of water hit her face just then, making her choke on it, and that again made her panic…

And then she saw the hands…

Blue, bony hands coming from the darkness below, reaching for her…

And Carlos' face…

And somebody moved right next to her…

This time the scream found its way out.

"It's me, it's me!" somebody called, and she spun around, making the water splash, and the hands were gone, and so was the face – and the captain was there, right next to her.

"Take it easy," he said, his voice calming as ever, and she had never been so happy to hear it.

Below the surface he draped his arm around her, pulling her closer. He looked strict but reassuring, like a commander.

"River," she gasped.

"I can see her," he said. "She's holdin' her own."

"She's headed for the Tooth."

"I know, and so are we. It's closer than turnin' back."

"I don't think I…"

"You can!" he interrupted her. "Come on. Save your strength, but keep swimmin'."

Definitely a commander.

And she followed order.

* * *

Gorramit, this was a complicated crew!

Was there _one _bloody planet in this crap-heel 'verse they could visit without the past catching up to one of them to cause trouble?

'Course, he'd seen plenty of trouble with his former crews as well, but that usually meant trouble of the can-be-fixed-with-a-couple-of-bullets kind, not breakdowns caused by sappy stories about jackass kids who'd drowned trying to show off, and such.

Jayne stood on the shore with his arms crossed in front of him, shaking his head in disbelief. Mal hadn't even said anything when they spotted the girls in the water, not spoken a single word, just kicked off his boots and removed his gun before rushing out to join them there.

Stupid.

Seriously, why was he still with these people?

He glanced over at Jo, who was standing next to him, watching the drama in the lake with a deep frown on her face.

He knew the answer to his question, of course.

"Shouldn't we maybe…?" his sister began.

Jayne snorted. "Don't you think three people drownin' 's enough?" Jo didn't reply, and after a few moments of silence, he turned to walk back towards the docks, adding, "Must be a boat here somewhere."

"Yeah," Jo agreed, and came with him.

* * *

The door to the mayor's office was open, presumably in an attempt to let in some fresh air, seeing as the day was hot and sticky. Inara knocked on the frame as she stepped across the threshold. The young red-haired man was at his desk, rearranging a stack of journals and pads. He looked up and opened his mouth.

"Are you the mayor's clerk?" she asked him before he had the chance to speak.

He shuffled to his feet. "I am, I'm Rudy," he declared and then blurted out, "The mayor's not in right now, but if you'd like I can arrange an appointment."

"Oh, that's alright." She smiled her most alluring smile. "I came here to see _you._ There's something I was hoping you could help me with."


	8. Chapter 8

_**A/N: **Okay, firstly, I'm not dead. Secondly, I have not given up on this story. It just takes a bit longer to write and post due to my oh-so-busy Real Life. But I guess you're not really interested in my excuses, so... here's part eight!_

* * *

It suddenly dawned on Mal just how much time he'd spent in space these last eight years.

Not much swimming in space…

He made an effort to stay in shape. He'd even started working out with Jayne occasionally. His mercenary had lost his spotter in Book, and Mal had thought it wouldn't hurt to try and bond a little with his crewman after all they'd been through, but the snarky comments coming from the bigger and obviously stronger man, had put emphasis on _occasionally._

And so by now his limbs were burning with exhaustion and he was panting more than a little. He kept going though. Not that he had much of a choice; the only alternative was drowning, and Kaylee was relying on him to get them both safely to their destination.

He kept pushing on, and his mind wandered back to sunny summer days by a pond on a dusty prairie world

– and he sent a silent thank you to the ranch hands who'd taught him how to swim.

God – if he existed – rest their souls.

The little rock out there in the water seemed to get ever closer somehow. "Nearly there," he kept saying, as much as a mantra to himself as to Kaylee. He glanced up at one point to see River already climbing up on it, and he gritted his teeth, annoyed.

Gorram girl! Of course she would swim as good as she danced, and read minds, and spoke nonsense – and killed Reavers for that matter. Sometimes one had to wonder why they spent so much time and energy looking after her.

_She ain't exactly helpless._

Jayne had said that, hadn't he?

One of these days he would have to start listening to Jayne.

"We're nearly there," he muttered again.

And then – finally – they actually _were_. He hauled Kaylee along and pushed her up in front of him, scraping his knee against the sharp rock in the process, and she crawled ashore – if one could imagine the tiny island actually having a shore to speak of – sputtering and coughing and weeping, and shaking with exhaustion. He followed suit and glanced up to find River perched on top of the Tooth, studying something by her feet with that glassy, far-off, yet frantic fascination.

She didn't even look tired.

He opened his mouth to give her a piece of his mind, but he didn't have the energy and so he just closed it again, and slumped down next to Kaylee to catch his breath. Her body shivered where she lay on the ground beside him, and he reached out a hand to touch her shoulder to try and calm her a little. "You did it," he mumbled.

She sat up, pulled her knees to her chest and wrapped her arms tightly around her legs. She looked out across the water and blinked hard. Mal wanted to say something else but couldn't think of anything, and instead threw a glance over his shoulder. River was moving around now, balancing elegantly on her bare feet, scanning the ground beneath her for something. And then she apparently found it and stopped.

She was nearly naked.

"_Wo de ma_, cover yourself!" he said and somehow found the strength to scramble to his feet to join her. He pulled off his shirt and – trying very hard not to look at her breasts – wrapped it around her.

And then he saw what her attention was so intently directed at. The cliff they were standing on was covered with engraved letters and Chinese symbols; mostly girls' names, criss-crossed all over the place.

And still the one name stood out.

_Kaylee._

Carved neatly in the shape of a heart.

Almost unconsciously Mal's hand moved to touch River's back, and he looked back over his shoulder to call for his mechanic, only to find her already standing there, looking at her name.

"He got here," she whispered.

"Yeah," Mal muttered, because he still couldn't think of anything smarter to say, "Yeah, he did."

Kaylee knelt down and carefully stroked her fingers across the letters. "And so did I," she added. A small smile tugged at her lips, and she glanced up at River. "This is what you wanted to show me?" Then her eyes widened ever so little and the smile fell off her face. "Er, Cap?"

Mal looked up too and noticed that River's attention now had shifted elsewhere, to a spot a little further up the rock. He followed her eyes.

The word _innocentia _was carved into the stone, followed by the numbers _1025 – 11 – 3._

Mal drew a deep breath and exhaled slowly, closing his eyes for a moment. "Gorram preacher," he muttered.

* * *

Rudy turned out to be very susceptible to her feminine wiles. It took less than a minute to make him sweaty and/or compliant, as Mal would have put it. Before long he was sitting on his chair, nervously stroking his hands against his pant leg and stuttering, "Wh-why d'you want me to talk 'bout Carlos?"

"Did you know him well?" She smiled, but just sternly enough so that he would know she meant business and wasn't fooling around.

"I guess."

"You guess?" She kept smiling and slowly sat down on a chair of her own, elegantly draping one leg over the other, smoothing her silk dress. "I believe you were his best friend."

"Yeah?"

"You seem close to his father."

"Well, I work for him, he's a great boss. But okay, yeah, Carlos was my best friend, what about it?"

"Kaylee told me what happened to him."

"Kaylee?" he asked, and then nodded and answered his own question, "Yeah, you're ridin' on that Firefly with her. Didn't think I'd ever see her back here again…" He muttered that last sentence, but then he suddenly looked up and asked, "What she tell you?"

Inara relayed the whole story the way Kaylee had told it, and as she did a frown appeared and grew ever bigger on the young man's face.

"Hm," was all he said once she'd finished.

"What is it?" she pressed.

"You're makin' it sound like she was this _mean_ person."

"This is only what she told me," Inara insisted.

"Well, she wasn't mean," he clarified, with unconcealed determination in his voice. "You know her, right? Unless she's changed, like, a _lot_ you know she couldn't ever be mean."

"She didn't tease Carlos?"

"Well, _yeah_, but we _all _did. It was all in good fun, you know. We didn't think he'd… We were just kids! Stupid, silly kids doin' stupid, silly stuff."

"But she got the blame?"

"Yeah." Rudy shifted in his seat. "Lorenzo… er, the mayor was _heartbroken_. All of us were. And…"

His words trailed off. She smiled sympathetically and finished for him, "And sometimes when there are no explanations you conjure one up."

"I guess," he shrugged. "Look, I ain't proud of it. It was horrible. And it wasn't just Kaylee, it was all of the Fryes really, her folks, her brothers… This is a small town, ma'am. This is what happens in small towns."

Inara was about to reply when the light coming from outside was blocked by a man suddenly appearing in the open door. "Rudy, they stole your boat!" he announced.

Rudy abruptly stood. "What? Who?"

"The big one. He just took it."

_Jayne. _Inara cursed inwardly, but kept her appearances calm and collected. She rose from her chair and nodded smilingly to Rudy when he threw her an apologetic look, and then followed the men from the office and down towards the lake.

They found Jo standing on the bank, surrounded by a bunch of upset and angry locals. There was no direct confrontation, but she seemed a little annoyed with them, as if they were flies buzzing just a little too close. "Look, he'll be back with it, no worries, okay?" Inara heard her say as she and Rudy came up to them.

"My boat!" the clerk exclaimed when he saw the mooring chain thrown across the sand and the broken lock attached to it.

Inara looked from him and out across the water and spotted the missing vessel almost immediately. Jayne was in the process of rowing it towards the rocky island in the middle of the lake, and from what she could see he wasn't particularly good at it.

She turned to look at Jo. "What's going on?" she asked.

Jo shrugged. "The girls went for a swim, the cap'n went after 'em and then Jayne _borrowed,_" she bore her eyes into Rudy emphasizing the word, "a boat to go pick 'em up."

"For a swim?" Inara repeated, but Jo just shrugged again and Inara shook her head, wondering if there was _any_ way Mal and the crew could ever visit a place without drawing undesired attention to themselves.

She didn't think so.

* * *

Zoë noticed how people started to flock towards the lake, and she instinctively knew it had something to do with her fellow travelers. Pulling Simon along she went to investigate, and they reached the shore just as a rowboat pulled in, carrying Mal, Jayne and the girls.

"Where _you _been?" she asked her captain as he waded ashore, shirtless and bootless and soaking wet.

"Followed River to the Tooth," he muttered and threw a glance at Simon, who was standing next to Zoë, staring wide-eyed and shocked at his sister as she effortlessly climbed from the boat.

"River!" he exclaimed, as he finally seemed to realize what had happened. "River, you could've drowned!"

"She wasn't even close," Mal grunted, and then added, sounding just a little accusing, "Kaylee and me on the other hand…"

River was only smiling innocently and absent-minded at her brother, as if none of this meant anything to her. She was wearing Mal's shirt; it was open in the front, and judging by the goofy grin on Jayne's face he'd seen plenty on the way across the water. Simon noticed this too, and threw the mercenary a warning look as he pulled the shirt tighter around his sister.

Kaylee was the last one out of the boat. She didn't look up to meet anyone's eyes, but Zoë still noticed the shade of relief that had fallen across her face. Simon, who seemed to have concluded his little sister was in no harm, came to her aid. He took off the jacket that he for some reason insisted on wearing in spite of the hot weather, and draped it across her shoulders. Kaylee glanced up at him when she felt his touch. "Don't be mad at River," she said. "She just knew what was waiting for us out there."

"And what would that be?" Zoë asked before Simon could.

"This," Mal replied and handed her a piece of wood with letters and numbers carved into it.

"Shepherd's clue?" she asked, and this earned her reaction from both Inara and Jo.

"It was carved into the rock," the captain explained. "Just made a copy for myself."

Zoë just kept looking at him, frowning, "But who put it there?" She glanced back down at the wood piece. "_Innocentia… _innocence?"

"Oh, that was me." The red haired boy who worked for the mayor suddenly spoke up. There was a broad grin on his face that quickly disappeared at the sight of the look Mal threw him. "Sorry," he muttered, stepping back a little, "didn't mean to listen in on your conversation."

"You carved this?" Mal asked.

"Yeah," the boy said, both sounding and looking a little more relaxed. "It was the weirdest thing. This man waved me and said if I carved that word and those numbers into the Tooth, he'd pay me for it. Didn't think he'd actually do it of course, but I thought there was no harm in tryin', so I went out there and did it, took a picture of it to prove it to 'im, and he really did wire me the money. Heck if I know _why_. Sure is a lot of crazy folks out there."

"Yeah," Mal nodded, throwing him a smile Zoë could clearly see was forced, "sure is."

The clerk went to inspect his boat, receiving a punch in the shoulder by Jayne as he walked past him, probably meant as an apology though it completely put him off balance and made him look up at the bigger man with terror. Simon had started walking back towards the docks, his arms wrapped around River and Kaylee, steering them along. Inara was following right behind them.

Zoë waited until everyone else was out of earshot, before she turned back towards Mal. "I suppose Book wanted Kaylee to face her past."

"Looks like," Mal agreed. "Even from beyond the grave he's gotta play the therapist."

"You think he's got sumethin' like this in store for all of us?"

"Wouldn't be surprised." He gestured with a nod of his head. "Let's go find out who's next."

They caught up with Simon and the girls as they approached _Serenity. _The captain hurried on ahead to lower the ramp, but was distracted from this task when the mayor suddenly came jogging towards them. Yes, he actually _jogged_, and huffed and puffed like you'd expect a man of his size to do.

"Captain Reynolds," he gasped as he reached them, and then spotted Kaylee. She immediately cast her eyes down and shied away from him, only Simon's arm prevented her from stepping further back. "Miss Kaylee," Ryan greeted her.

Zoë couldn't read much from his voice, and when he took another step forward, Mal sort of seamlessly placed himself between him and the mechanic. "Can I help you?"

"I need to speak with you," Ryan said, but he wasn't talking to the captain. He kept his eyes on Kaylee. "Carlos was a teenage boy who did a really stupid thing. I knew that, of course, I just… I shouldn't have… I was wrong to blame you, Miss Kaylee. I'm sorry."

The look on Kaylee's face was one of disbelief, and she pressed her body closer to Simon's, still refusing to look at the man. The mayor waited in vain for her to say something, before he instead turned to look at Mal again. "Mister Broadwell has a shipment of canned fruit he needs shipped to Athens. Due for departure tomorrow. That somethin' you and your crew can handle?"

Mal's professional smile spread across his face. "Absolutely."

"Very well. I'll bring Broadwell and come by with the paperwork later."

The mayor nodded his goodbyes and was about to turn around when Kaylee eventually spoke up. "Mayor Ryan?"

He stopped and glanced back at her and this time their eyes met. Kaylee swallowed. "I'm sorry about Carlos. He was a good boy."

"Yes," the mayor agreed, his voice laden with the sadness his face mirrored, "he was." He glanced at Simon. "And so is _he_, I believe. You might wanna treat 'im better."

Kaylee frowned, but Zoë had to bite her lip not to snicker.

They watched Ryan quietly for a few moments as he headed back to town. Then Mal clapped his hands together, obviously very happy with landing a new job. "Alright, let's make room for a shipment of canned fruit, ladies and menfolk."

"Can we eat first?" Jayne grunted. "All that rowin'…" He threw a sideways glare at River.

Mal thought on it for a second. "Well I s'pose that's fine. 'Sides, we've got some Bible studyin' to do."

He did the Bible studying himself when they'd all gathered in the galley a few minutes later, flipping through the pages, muttering to himself as he did so, "Page one thousand and twenty five, eleventh verse on that page, word number three." He looked up, his index finger still resting on the word. "_Angel_."

Inara was usually good at hiding her feelings, but this time Zoë effortlessly noticed her reaction, as a shadow of confusion fell across the Companion's pretty face. Nobody else seemed to have noticed though.

"Angel?" Jayne said. "We just came from the Kalidasa system, gorramit! We need to go _back_?"

Mal seemed to be thinking the same thing, but all he did was sweeping his eyes across the room to look at each and every one of them. "Question is, who's got ties to Angel?"

"Inara?" Zoë probed, making everybody shift their gaze to the dark-haired beauty.

"But it doesn't make any sense," Inara insisted.

"What doesn't?" Mal asked.

"That Shepherd Book should have included me in this," Inara said, looking a little uncomfortable under their scrutinizing. "I wasn't even on the ship when he wrote these clues."

"He must have known you'd come back," Kaylee naively suggested.

Inara only looked at the captain, meeting his gaze, but said nothing.

"So," Mal said, not taking his eyes off her, "what's on Angel?"


End file.
